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oh my fucking gawd.

whenever i think about what happened yesterday, T’s guffaws ring in my head. thunderous laughter of hers, ahhh!

T***! DON’T LAUGH AT ME LIAO HOR!

yes, i know that THE WHOLE WORLD NOW KNOWS THAT I HAD A BRAZILLIAN WAX DONE! of all things!
or rather….. people who don’t have to know about that now knows that!

=_=

i just hope that this chapter remains status quo; only between the 3 of us!

—–

something really sour happened today and it sure didn’t felt good at all. i really don’t want to cry, crying drains the crap outta me.
i don’t like others witnessing my crying either, i don’t want to be stripped off all my defence mechanisms, i don’t like exposing my vulnerability.

i didn’t know that it takes SO MUCH energy and effort just to hold back my tears and swallow them back into my stomach. my fists clench and turn cold, at times like such i just wish i could punch someone really hard, anyone.

i don’t need people to know i too need a hug sometimes, that i am not “the man” they alway make me out to be.
I AM NOT A MAN AND I’VE NEVER SAID I WANTED TO BE ONE.
it just so happens that i give out vibes of aloofness and… incredible strength? strong my fucking ass, if anyone is to be called strong in this world at all, it definitely won’t be me.
perhaps i do possess a silent power of resilience, but i’m not unbreakable.

in a psycho way, i love this “strong and unbeatable” facade and the barb wires i’ve erected around myself over the years, they cushion me like a fluffy pink pillow.
but when reality sets in, i do know that those are but imageries i’ve conjured myself.

i told Baby just now, something i thought i’d never ever tell anyone.

“i am just insecure. insecure about myself and the people around me.”

i fumble, stumble and tumble like a normal girl.

i feel preeeeeeeeeeeetty!

i is going to Teo Heng tomorrow!

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